| poor critters |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009 * 02:17 pm] |
I was taking the puppy out for a short walk, and heard a loud meowing from down the street. It's a fluffy black kitten, sitting by one of the trees in the median. Poor thing. But I've learned my lesson. No more rescuing poor little critters. Especially not when they aren't even wailing at me from within my own yard.
Hmm. And at least the puppy might scare this one away from the notion of wandering into my yard. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009 * 10:27 pm] |
*** *** dog. I swear he turns into a demon. She does, I mean. I was just trying to put him to sleep. Now I've got 3 holes in my shirt I need to sew. |
|
|
| randomness |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009 * 05:39 pm] |
After/while getting over my anger/crying fit yesterday from having had the puppy disrespect me, I stayed up late recaulking part of my tub, and ironing all the wrinkled clothes that had accumulated in my closet over the past few months. Went to bed at 3:40am. Was woken up by a phone call from Forestfen, at 1pm today. I haven't managed to sleep so well after going to bed so late, in a looooong time. If the phone hadn't rung, I might have even slept longer. Then I had to get up in order to let the puppy out of the garage. I felt groggy for quite a while.
.
Doing a puzzle, I didn't recognize that "loll" was a real word. I've become so familiar with the term "LOL", that it has overlaid my familiarity with the word "loll", even though in the beginning, the term "LOL" invoked associations in my mind with "loll" (reading and pronouncing LOL as "loll" in my head invoked mental images of tongues hanging out of mouths and of people idling/lollygagging around, as opposed to laughing).
.
I bought a fancy shirt and pair of pants at JC Penney because they appealed to me, even though I realized that they were too impractical to wear anywhere. The pants are a black shiny, silky, clingy polyester material, with cargo-pants-style side pockets, glittery crystal buttons, a golden chain belt, and leg-cuffs that tie up around the ankles with cords. The shirt is also black, made out of 2 thin shear fabrics and with small front pockets. Wearing a black sports-bra, one can see the shape of the bra through the thin fabric. The pants and shirt make me feel sexy. But I'm not in the habit of going anywhere where it would be appropriate to wear clothing like that. And even if I were, I'd worry about being cold there, if I did wear them. I need to sew some elastic into the pants' waistband. It's size 5 (!). All the sizes, even down to size 2 (!!!) were too wide on my hips, but I chose the size 5 because the others were too tight on my legs. Women's pants styles seem so weird to me. For other type pants, I usually need a size 8 at least for them not to be too tight on my waist. But with the kind which are supposed to ride low on the hips, the waist is always way too large for me, and the legs way too skinny. And the pockets!; most women's pants if they have any pockets at all have *tiny* pockets!
.
I am going to start looking up at the sky or ceiling whenever Zorro bites on my feet or pants-legs. That's supposed to discourage puppies, since they want your attention and to play. It was working when I tried it earlier today. But then she got hold of the cord from my jacket and kept pulling on it, until I worried it was going to break and rescued it. Seriously... she already tore a big hole in a pair of Q's good trousers, and tore a small hole in my pajama pants, and tore the end off one of my shoelaces. I've been trying not to wear my good clothes and shoes much lately, because I worry that she'll ruin them.
.
Oh! And I found a connection where I wasn't expecting it, while surfing/browsing friends' profiles and pages. Darkoshi (SC, USA) is friends with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) goliath20031977 (SC, USA) who is friends with carreanne_s_c (Michigan, USA), on one of whose journal entries sttatus_quo (Dallas, USA) commented (and I thought, ::my, that user-name looks familiar::), who is friends with andrewducker (Scotland), who is friends with Darkoshi. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2009 * 07:16 pm] |
And I don't know why I donate money to that stupid pet shelter when the past 3 times we've found a lost or abandoned pet, they wouldn't take it. They pretend they'll take it, but they don't.
Someone from work said she knows someone who is interested in the puppy, as they recently got a different puppy and would like to have a playmate for it. They didn't call me yesterday though. I hope they do. I hope it works out. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2009 * 07:13 pm] |
You know why I don't like dogs and pets and kids, besides the fact that they are loud and hyper and make messes? Because they don't respect me. They don't like me. They hate me. Even a stupid little puppy just wants to bite me and tear up my clothing and it doesn't matter if I talk calmly or in a low voice or exclaim loudly, or put it in the chill position, he or she or it just keeps doing it and makes me feel like a horrible person because my only recourse is to yell or become violent and keep throwing him away from me until I hurt him which is not an option, or to lock him up or chain him up and ignore him or her. I should start biting him back is what I should do, if only I could do it without her biting me in the face. |
|
|
| radios |
[Nov. 21st, 2009 * 12:48 pm] |
I am able to tune in to at least 41 over-the-air FM radio stations here. A few of them are faint or have static, but most get fairly good reception. If I moved my antenna I'd probably be able to pick up even more stations. So why do radios provide so few station presets? I have a shiny new radio/cd-player - it even has USB and MP3 audio input ports - but it only lets you save 20 FM stations in the presets. Would it be so difficult or expensive for the manufacturer to provide 99 (or more) instead of 20?
I don't like what is played on each and every station, so I wouldn't want to save them all in memory. But there *are* more than 20 stations which might occasionally play music I'd care to listen to.
If they made radios like they used to, with the round tuning dial, the presets wouldn't matter so much, as it would be relatively easy to flip the dial from one frequency to another. But with digital radios where you have to push up and down buttons to change frequencies 10 Mhz at a time, it's very inconvenient to tune in to stations that way. The automatic scanning/tuning tends to skip over more than half the stations, so I don't like using it.
And another thing. Why don't radios nowadays come with a battery port, so that items in memory can be preserved when the unit is unplugged or when the power goes out? This one says that the presets will be lost if the unit is left unplugged for a few days. My good old clock-radio-cassette-player from 1983 (abouts) has a long-life replaceable battery which keeps the clock working when it is unplugged. It still works, and I still use it! I don't have to worry about the power going out in the middle of the night, and having my alarm not come on in the morning because the time-settings got screwed up.
Oh, what am I complaining about. I hardly ever listen to the radio anymore anyway. I chose this one because it was free (a 15 year anniversary gift from my place of employment) and because it has USB and audio input ports, so I can hook my MP3 player up to it.
I've been working there 15 years. Early on, I considered quitting because they weren't giving me enough work to do, and I was bored silly and feeling guilty about passing time by doing things like writing down numbers from one to a thousand, using both hands. This year I've considered quitting because they've been giving me too much work to do. |
|
|
| Spooky Men - Vote the Bastards Out |
[Nov. 20th, 2009 * 10:12 pm] |
This sounds absolutely stunning, in a good way. And has amusing lyrics.
via ninox |
|
|
| diwali vid |
[Nov. 16th, 2009 * 12:03 am] |
I got the first 6 things on my list done, plus part of the videos.
Here's one from Diwali. I took some time out, lit some candles and turned the lights off.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009 * 09:12 pm] |
Hearing good songs which were popular during my youth sometimes induces a curious feeling in me - an emotional flashback to a happier more vibrant state of being. But I am not sure if I actually felt happier and more vibrant during my youth. It may be something which is only felt while hearing that kind of music, both then and now. Yet modern songs rarely evoke such emotions; I have to hunt for songs which affect me in that way; the popular ones played on the radio generally don't. This must happen to other people too. That's why old people like me feel that the songs nowadays can't compare in quality to the ones from their youth, regardless in which musical era their youth was.
I remember a similar thing happening during my youth, though. I think it was when watching Return of the Jedi for the first time. When I heard the first few bars of the familiar opening score, I got goosebumps on my arms and felt electrified and tingly. That indicates that I didn't feel that way all the time; even then it was a rare and special thing. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2009 * 01:50 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | links | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Things to do today:
- take a shower
- vacuum the house
- go to the grocery store and maybe the pet store to buy a few things
- maybe stop by the thrift store, if they are open today
- maybe stop by the fabric store to look for some twist pins and whatchamallems
- cut, cook, peel, and puree the pumpkin
- iron the clothes
- process and post some of the videos
- put the carpet pad under the carpet
- other stuff on my to-do list
But instead, I'm doing this....
Demotivators
Indifference... it takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.
Adversity
Agony
Apathy
Burnout
Compromise... Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.
Conformity
Curiosity... Some Places Remain Unknown Because No One Has Ventured Forth. Others Remain So Because No One Has Ever Come Back.
Defeat... For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.
Demotivation
Despair... It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
Dysfunction
Economics
Failure
Fear... Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.
More here. |
|
|
| video TV; puppy; depression |
[Nov. 15th, 2009 * 02:26 am] |
Qiao and I have now watched episodes of 2 ABC shows online, which we missed when they were broadcast on TV. The quality of the online videos is just as good or better than broadcast TV. The video player window can be maximized, and the quality is still just as good. The commercial breaks are more convenient than on TV, and being able to watch the video when you want, and pause it, makes it more convenient than TV as well. The only benefit the TV has is a larger screen. Well, that and less likelihood of technical issues - the 2nd time around, the video player wasn't working in Firefox, so I had to switch to IE.
.
The puppy is growing larger. She doesn't *look* larger to me, but certain things make it apparent that she is. I've had to give up on the enclosure. She kept getting out - she is large enough now that the metal drawers which previously were a formidable obstacle to her, are now relatively easy for her to clamber over.
Oh, and the puppy is purportedly female, not male. It seemed silly, after finding that out, switching the pronouns we used to refer to the puppy. Just because his/her body turns out to purportedly be one way instead of another way, it's expected that we refer to the puppy differently. Qiao also quickly switched from calling the puppy things like "good boy" to things like "sweet little girl". Tcheh. We didn't change her name though. She's still Zorro.
.
I didn't get any other antidepressant pills. The psych didn't think that the non-generic Wellbutrin would work for me, since the generic one didn't have any positive effect on me at all. So I said that I didn't want to take any more pills, for a while at least. I've tried an SSRI, an SNRI, and an NDRI, and none really made me feel better. I was majorly bummed after leaving his office. Nearly started crying while waiting for the receptionist to get me my receipt. It doesn't seem like there's any hope left. I'm not capable of truly enjoying life. It's incurable. It's who I am, not an illness, not something that can be fixed.
Qiao seems to think that my purpose for taking antidepressants is to control or curtail my fits of anger, as opposed to helping with my depression. Even though I told him it's for depression, not anger. The anger is somewhat related to depression, though. If I'm not feeling particularly down, then annoyances are just annoyances, and I can deal with them. But when life feels like a pain in the first place, then any annoyances are insult on top of injury, and I rage at having to deal with either. |
|
|
| advice / admonition |
[Nov. 10th, 2009 * 09:07 pm] |
Don't ever order anything from "Home Trends" or "QCI Direct". They will start sending you a paper catalog every month, and they won't stop sending them no matter how many times you email them requesting to be taken off their mailing list, nor no matter how many times you call them.
The only reply they give to the emails is "What you received is a promotional catalog. As long as no orders are placed out of the catalog, the catalog will stop on its own." It's been a whole fucking year, and they are still sending me their goddamn catalogs. I don't care how nifty some of the things they sell may seem, I will NEVER EVER order anything from them again and I hope no one else does, until they learn to respect their customers' wishes. |
|
|
| antidep update |
[Nov. 9th, 2009 * 09:58 pm] |
I stopped taking the budeprion (generic Wellbutrin) pills after 3 weeks. They seemed to be making my mood even worse than usual, in addition to the frequent onsets of anger and rage and other side-effects.
I did a websearch and found that there are a lot of claims that the generic Wellbutrin, especially the one manufactured by Teva (which is the kind I have), doesn't work like the regular Wellbutrin.
My next appointment is in a few days, and now I'm undecided as to what to do. Should I ask for a prescription for the non-generic Wellbutrin, and give it a try? If so, I should do it now, since it sounds like my insurance may have a "mandatory generic" program starting next year, meaning that they won't cover any of the extra cost for the non-generic drugs. But I dread having the Wellbutrin affect me the same way the budeprion did. And I'm tired of taking pills. They don't seem to work, and they give me unpleasant side-effects. The Pristiq seemed the best of the lot, but it only really made me feel hyper, not really better. But even it made my vision blurrier than normal, and made my pupils stay dilated somewhat. So I don't want to go back on it either.
It's discouraging thinking about how the pills don't make me feel better.
And it's discouraging that my lower back pain keeps getting worse, and I don't know what to do about it.
And I don't have the time nor enough motivation to do the exercises I used to do.
On the bright side however, I haven't had any unexplained swellings this last month. Not even when I punched both fists into the rug last week - my hands only got a little bit swollen for a short time period from that, as would be expected. The knuckles are still slightly achy. |
|
|
| electricity meters |
[Nov. 5th, 2009 * 01:49 pm] |
The electric company changed my meter the year before last. They changed it from an analog meter to an electric meter. Half a year later, they changed it again. The 2 previous meters showed both the total usage (kWh) and the current usage. That let me get an indication if the meter was working right, by comparing how many electrical devices I had running, and their wattage, to the current usage displayed. The new meter only shows the total usage. So there's no way of knowing if it is measuring accurately. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2009 * 04:12 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | dogs | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  angry | ] |
FUCKING DAMN PEOPLE WHO DON"T NEUTER THEIR DAMN PETS AND LET FUCKING PUPPIES AND KITTENS BE BORN. So they have to end up having to be killed because they are such a damn fucking pain trying to deal with and because there's so damn fucking many of them . And even when we find this damn fucking puppy a home, that's just one less home for some other fucking damn puppy who will end up being euthanized because of it.
Why do I have to spend my fucking SUnday cleaning up dog shit and urine and letting the dog out to pee and getting him food and cleaning his water bowl and giving him fresh water and trying to fucking train him and clean the fucking damn crate and clean the fucking damn harness that he fucking damn doesn't let me fucking put back on him. God fucking damn it. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2009 * 06:26 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | dogs | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disgusted | ] |
I'm getting tempted to put him back out on the street where he came from. Or to not let him in the garage anymore and to leave him outside, no matter if it's cold or raining.
He keeps finding a new way to get out of the enclosure. Each time I make it so that he can't get out one way, he then finds another way. Today when I came home, he was sitting all angelic-like in the enclosure. I took him outside to relieve himself, then put him back in. After driving my car into the garage, I became suspicious. Sure enough, he had chewed through one of the cardboard pieces, and had made himself a hole thru which he could get in and out. He had even chewed completely through a round plastic-clad telephone cable with which I had used to tie down the cardboard! And he's been chewing on one of Bro's bags, breaking the zippers.
I get out of work relatively on time, but then have to spend my time cleaning up dogshit and urine. Not once has he shit on the fucking paper. |
|
|
| beijing opera |
[Oct. 25th, 2009 * 07:29 pm] |
I got to see a performance, "Highlights of Classic Chinese Theater", yesterday. The performers were a group of students of Beijing Opera, from China. They performed episodes from various plays. The costumes and make-up were fantastic. Some parts reminded me of my own dancing; there's certain movements I do when dancing, which are like theirs. I probably picked up those movements from various things I watched when I was younger.
The last episode was a fight scene between 2 warriors in the dark. The stage was not dark, but the play was based on them not being able to see each other. It was wonderful.
If any of you have the opportunity to watch a performance of Beijing Opera, I highly recommend it.
Next week there is going to be a performance of Chinese folk dancing at the Koger Center. I am thinking of attending that one too. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
impressed